What is it?

I wonder how someone, having a state of mind similar to mine, deals with everyday life. One integral problem lies with the fact that it is impossible to describe this state of mind. To anyone who thinks that he knows at least a little bit about me, be it anything, he will tend to think that I put up an unnecessary facade to gain anything ranging from sympathy to pity to popularity. Thus when everyone seems to be full of mirth I seem to be down and gloomy. It's as if I am trying to gain cheap publicity by seemingly isolating myself from the rest. As if I am giving myself airs when basically I am a drag. On top of it, I am so full of myself that I hardly bother to think about others. Some are thoughtful enough to tell me to cheer up but then give up thinking that I am merely ignoring them to make myself even more important. To them, the fact that I wallow in self misery and self hate is actually my way of ogling for attention. It is indeed so easy to assume the wrong perspective. I wish I could explain to myself what it is that makes me, me. My silence is unbearable for others. My expressions are laughed at by others. I don't want to be part of them and they don't want me. If that is the case, am I wrong in being what I am?